“Just Because One Method Works For One Person Doesn’t Mean It’ll Work For Another”
And that includes advice and work.
Keanu Reeves once said in an interview that he hates giving advice. I didn’t understand at first because he’s the one person that people these days need advice from.
He’s wise, humble and successful. I think he should be giving advice to the younger generation and the right person to get one from.
Except that he didn’t, and now I can see why.
I was listening to this Christian chat on Youtube on TBN about “Drawing Closer to God”.
Now, if you are not a Christian or religious, don’t worry. I’m not here to beat your head with the bible in hopes to convert you. There was a point she made that got me thinking about life choices and paths.
The woman in the video, Jackie Hill Perry, read this verse in the bible:
“Save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear — hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.” — Jude 1:23
The point she was trying to make is that, when we are helping people, they need different techniques and methods. The same method we use may not work for others.
In other words, as she said,
“Just because one method works for one person doesn’t mean it’ll work for another person.”
After hearing this, I think she made a point about our life choices, gaining advice, and our own path. We are all different, and so are our life paths.
Everyone’s routes are different
What I do not like about self-helps these days is that when I read the book, it’s as if they expect the readers are all in the same situation.
It’s true that whoever picked up self-help books, their main purpose is to know how to fix their lives together and not stay stuck. And who else would they turn to but the people who claimed to be successful themselves already?
However, most of the authors didn’t address how most people’s lives are completely different and the results may also differ. And that caused a rift to compare yourself to others.
As a result, whenever I read their advice in their books or posted on social media, it sounds like they are shoving their words in our throats and hope we change.
It may have worked before, but after some time, once we connect to reality, we’re going to find ourselves that it may take much more effort. And if you find yourself given the same advice again, you’ll likely get sick of it.
It all starts with you
I recently finished Atomic Habits even though I was sure I was done with self-helps and I would never touch that genre again.
But I found myself actually getting better and concrete advice from the book. The author did not shove his advice down our throats or force anyone to do anything we don’t like, which is what I mostly like about the book.
Rather, he (James Clear) gave a better way to search for your type of success by investing in better habits to climb your way to success. It did not give a “formula” as well but how to make good habits so that you can keep going no matter how hard life is.
That is what I mostly love about the book, and from that point on, I try to make sure I have the right environment to build my habit. At least, this is what I must work on so that my productivity may improve.
The same method might not work for others
Just because you found one legit piece of advice, doesn’t mean that it’ll work for everyone.
And forcing people to change with some inspirational advice is not going to work as well.
I recently wrote about how one of Steve Jobs’s pieces of advice is great but it may not work in today’s era. Not after everything that has happened.
I’m certain you all have heard about his infamous speech:
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”
Great advice. I’m assuming that he wants us to take a leap of faith, have the courage to pursue our dreams, don’t work in a company too long, etc. I thought it was great advice too.
Except that it needs more clarity in today’s era.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing him. I really understand from his point of view as he wasn’t feeling well at that time and he must've had a lot of thoughts in his head on what he should’ve done before he was diagnosed with cancer.
However, that advice would probably work better back in his days. Because after he passed away, a lot of things happened that changed the world and looking back now, it’s like a whole different era.
We don’t even have to look far ahead at what changed our lives to think differently than before. Look at where we are now! We are still in the middle of a pandemic that even big businesses are still struggling as well, and the war between Russia and Ukraine is affecting the countries all over the world.
And you expect us to take an unknown path while even the world itself is in turmoil?
“Don’t solve other people’s problems, give them the tool so that they can solve it.”
I was scrolling a Youtube short the other day (sadly, I can’t remember the short link, so I’m paraphrasing the words I remember that he said), and found a short about Jordan Peterson describing his clinical practice and how he works with his patients.
Basically, what he did was listen to their problem and what made them feel that way. And then he would give them choices, his answer, or options to help solve their problems.
However, he NEVER told them what is the right answer in order to solve their problems. What he did was give them the “tools” so that they can solve their own problems. He never forced his advice down his patients' throats or tells them what is the right path to take, he was giving them tools to help them solve their own problems.
Whichever the patients want to pick, it’s entirely up to them. But he had placed the tools for them to choose, whether they take it or not, it’s up to them. Because it’s their lives, it’s them who must make the move if they want to change.
I find this method makes sense.
It also explains why in his book 12 Rules for Life, it didn’t feel as if he was forcing the readers to change but rather to “consider the cost of continuing” certain habits.
Jordan’s method with all of his patients was to listen to what they were facing and their current situation before considering what “tools” or advice to give them. He didn’t force his advice immediately, he listens first to understand their situations. In his book, his patients faced a lot of different things, which led him to give different advice.
I think he found the most common ‘demons’ that his patients faced and made it into a book, and that’s why his book is quite popular today.
Everyone’s routes are different.
So, what’s the lesson here? Am I saying that you shouldn’t work hard because the outcome may be different from the other successful people out there?
No.
What I’m trying to say is, that everyone’s paths are different.
You still need to work hard, but don’t expect to get the same result as the person you saw that did the similar work as you. Because their lives are different to yours too.
If you’ve read leadership books, most of the time, you’ll find them saying that they have to switch their methods to solve the problem. Some of the problems are even similar but the approach must still be different.
One method that worked before may not work for another.
So, it’s best to build a better habit for your path to success.
